I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
