if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
