He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
