3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
