Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
