how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
