remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
