Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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