if i can run in heels then i can drive
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
