finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
a search helicopter?!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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