just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
