My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
