just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
