I should be sponsored by Trojan
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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