I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The air was thick with penises
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
