why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
