I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm like, not good at living.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
