whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
