I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
smell my finger.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
