meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
