before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
