The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
