I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
