ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
