Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
