So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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