There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
