hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
