My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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