why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
