LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
