omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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