Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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