so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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