he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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