Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
