the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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