So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
nutella sex= disaster
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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