Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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