That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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