dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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