He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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