sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
