Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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