I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I smell stomach acid.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
