yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
