i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
