after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
now i know why i became what i already was.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
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