I just pynch a tree in the face
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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