Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
