My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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