; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
