I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
