At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize
