Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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