are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
